Readers, 

You may have missed it, but our esteemed Auditor, Rob Sand, recently launched a merch store. We assume this is because things are a bit tight over at the campaign. It looks like a nice enough merch site, but it could be better in our humble opinion. We think it’s missing a few items.

Our first suggestion is more of a messaging improvement to a product already in the store. This tee shirt doesn’t quite do the trick. We are proposing this instead:

There are no books on the site at all. There’s not an autobiography or even any fan fiction. We think that this is a big mistake. Here is what we propose:

This will be a New York Times bestseller (Don’t expect to audit those numbers). Not only could this improve his brand with the voters, but it could do so much more. Think of all the people this could help who do not have access to family money but still want to perform a role that they are not qualified to hold.

Just kidding. We are confident these great ideas will not be well received by Mr. Sand. Do not despair, readers. Anyone can have a merch store; we will look into it.